I don’t think I’d want a super power, other than being a genius like Iron Man and building myself a fabulous robot suit. Superheroes always end up putting themselves in horrible danger. I want to be safe inside my titanium suit at all times, finishing off my enemies with my laser beam eyes. I will never get out of my suit, so nobody will ever get me.
…I will obviously build a loo at the back.
The first thing I ever wrote was about ponies and ninjas, which were my prevailing interests at the time. (I was seven.) It began my habit of introducing the dramatic and unexpected whenever I became bored, as follows.
ETHEL: Ruth, how well you have tamed your Arabian stallion.
RUTH: Yes, that was a tricky four days there, but now the once-savage animal lets me braid ribbons in its mane…
ETHEL: Let us stop for a picnic!
RUTH: That does sound rather jolly.
ETHEL: Oh my God, Ruth, don’t look now, but we’re being attacked by a gang of rogue ninjas!
RUTH: … Ninjas aren’t jolly.
I learned better as time went on. But unlike Ruth, I still think ninjas are rather jolly.
