Here are some things people who know me have told me in the past:
‘Don’t be so afraid to speak your mind!’
‘You have to be more assertive!’
‘If you would only say what you really wanted…’
Now here are some things people might say about Kat, the heroine of my new trilogy:
‘Isn’t there anything she won’t do?’
‘OMG, she’ll say ANYTHING!’
‘She breaks all the rules!’
So I guess it makes sense that people who know me might think that Kat is my total opposite. But guess what? Kat is totally me. Of course, she’s growing up in totally different circumstances, and we are different people in lots of ways – but when I’m writing Kat, I am filled with pure happiness, because I can let myself loose through her in a way that I never can in real life. Kat is recklessly brave, she is utterly confident, and she’s ready to do ANYTHING to protect her family, whether it’s chopping off her hair and disguising herself as a boy, punching an attacker in the face, or even turning highwayman to win what’s most important.
Here’s something else: when I was writing the first book in Kat’s trilogy, I was sick. Really sick, so sick that I couldn’t even get up off the couch. Sometimes, even turning my head made me feel like throwing up. It was awful. I couldn’t do any of the things I used to do, like going on big hikes with my dog or even going to work at my job. I was terrified, especially after I was diagnosed with ME/CFS, a disease without a cure. I didn’t know if I would ever get better, or if I’d ever be able to move easily again.
So getting to write Kat, who is fearlessly physical? I can’t even express how happy that made me. While I was stuck on that couch, balancing my laptop on my stomach, Kat was jumping on horses and tripping over snooty ladies’ skirts. While I was worrying about whether I would ever be active again, Kat was throwing herself with all her heart into saving her oldest sister from a terrible, murderous marriage, and learning all about her own untapped magical powers.
Now it’s been almost two years since I finished writing Kat’s first book, and I’m just starting to write Book 3. I’ve been amazingly lucky with my illness – it’s gone into partial remission, which means I can go on half-hour walks again, I can move around with ease, and I can play with my baby and my dog. But every time I sit down to write Kat, I’m filled with that same feeling of wonderful freedom – that sense that, through her, I can do *anything*. And that feels just as miraculous as ever.
