Blogfest 2009

Give up writing, you mean? Never. It’s the other things, the things that get in the way of writing, that I’d like to give up, like cleaning the house, going to work, buying groceries etc. I’d never give up writing, because it’s my favorite thing to do, next to being with my loved ones.

I think I was tempted to give up many times – I wrote FIVE books before I was first published. Even if I sometimes thought I might want to give up the pursuit of publication, though, I don’t think I truly considered giving up the writing itself. For me, writing has never just been the act of setting down words. It’s the way I see the world all the time, the way I have of understanding life and the human beings in it. I am continually trying to describe and understand things, even if just to myself in my own head. You don’t give that up – it’s who you are, and probably who you’ve always been.

Yes! All the time, in fact. Writing can be difficult, and the business end of things can be hard, and there are times when I just want to throw up my hands and leave it all behind. But then there are moments when I’m writing and I forget everything but the world I’m in and that–well, that’s worth so much. It’s what I love.

It’s not so much that I’ve wanted to give up…it’s occasionally I have felt like I have no choice but to give up. I love the business part of writing; I think my heaven will be an eternity of sending query letters. I love writing second drafts, third drafts, eighth drafts…but I hate writing first drafts, and I really hate the limbo time between books when you swear you’ll never think of another idea again. I always think every book is going to be my last one. I always think, “After this, I have no ideas left.”

Something always comes around. The book I’m working on right now—first draft, ugh—is the product of a ridiculous dream I had. (God, that sounds like it’s going to be dreadful and full of ponies and symbolism and stuff.) I’m twenty five thousand words in at the moment, wondering how on earth I’m ever going to get it to novel length. Everything feels impossible until you get to the second draft. For all I know, this thing might turn out dreadful. A least it doesn’t have ponies or symbolism. Okay, maybe a little symbolism.

I rarely want to give up. I frequently think “Thank God I have X or I would give up right now.” Thank God I have a finished manuscript. Thank God I have two finished manuscripts in case the first one doesn’t sell. Thank God I have an agent. Thank God I have a book deal…but somehow I didn’t give up even before I had any of those things.

Of course.  I get knocked down, but I get up again…  I get tired and frustrated just like everyone else.  The trick is to look at the big picture, and see if it makes sense.  Am I going where I want to go?  Am I doing what I want to do?  If the answers are “No,” then it’s time to rethink.  However, since I’m a mom, I’m very aware that life is full of tradeoffs.  I’d rather hang with my daughter than just about anything else, so I’m willing to get up early and do my writing while she’s at school.