Blogfest 2009

As I sit down to write this blog entry, it’s a hot, sunny, beautiful day outside. (Even in England we get hot days sometimes! Not very often, though…) My husband just invited me to go out with him and our baby son on a family date to our local Yorkshire pub for thick-cut French fries (my favorite!) and fresh, cold apple juice. It sounds like so much fun! The only problem? I hadn’t done my writing yet for the day.

So…I gritted my teeth and I said no. Now here I am in our cramped office/bedroom, sitting on the bed surrounded by baby blocks and trying to force myself back into my heroine’s mindset instead of just thinking wistfully about hot French fries and a fun afternoon out.

The truth is, that happens a lot. It’s the downside of writing professionally–I have to say “no” a lot. To my husband (who, luckily, understands, since he’s a writer himself); to my friends when they call up wanting to talk in the middle of my writing time; to myself when I just want to take it easy and surf the internet/watch a movie/lie down on the grass outside and soak in the rare English sunshine.

It’s the reason why my husband and I don’t own a television. Having a TV on hand made it too easy to say no to the writing–to say “just one more show first…” and then get to the end of the day without having done our writing first. So we sacrificed the TV. There are things that are genuinely more important than writing–the most important priority in my life, hands-down, is my baby’s health and happiness–and there are things that are less important, like getting to zone out in front of a TV show while my baby sleeps. The biggest way writing has affected my daily life? It’s forced me to figure out my priorities, and to ruthlessly protect them.

So here I am again, sitting on the bed with my laptop instead of sitting in the pub with my French fries, and today, like many days, I found it difficult to say no to the temptation to give up my writing time and have fun instead. But do I honestly regret giving up our TV and choosing a lifestyle where writing gets precedence over relaxation? No way. When writing is going well, it’s SO much more fun than watching TV, it’s like the difference between bright sunshine and the glow from a tiny lightbulb. Even when the writing is hard–even on the days when I struggle to focus and it takes forever to write just 200 measly words–I always, always feel better for having done it. When I get to the end of the day, and I’ve done my writing, I feel satisfied in the same way that athletes feel after exercise–wrung-out and happy and tingling with anticipation. I can’t wait to do it again.

And I wouldn’t give that up for anything.

I’m not going to lie; it’s a time-suck. I don’t go out as much as I used to—and when I do, I’m usually either thinking about writing or finding a way to do it without pissing off whomever I’m with. I do a lot of rough drafts during movie previews and AP Calculus. (Yes, I take AP Calculus. Yes, it is kicking my ass). My teachers don’t love this. Neither do my friends.

I think it makes my parents worry about me, since they’re never quite sure what their daughter’s doing. Especially since I don’t keep them in the loop as to what I’m working on, so they have no way of knowing if I’m hammering out a second draft of a novel or playing endless games of internet hearts (both of which frequently inspire me to stay up for all hours).

So writing does detract from my ability to pretend to be a normal person. On the other hand, writing anywhere and everywhere means I’m rarely bored after a test is finished. I also have insane multitask skills—the majority of my books were written in front of House and Friends and Queer as Folk. Blasphemy against Serious Writing, I know.

A few of my friends, also, are immensely supportive. My best friend reads every word I write as soon as I write it, never offering anything harsher than “it’s perfect, I love it,” and my darling boyfriend, who’s finished about five books in his entire life, is an angel about sitting quietly and not bothering me when a scene just. Isn’t. Working.

So I don’t think writing’s lost me any good friends…and I think all the people who would like me if I were social and/or fun still like me even though I’m crazy. But how would I know?

If I skip a day of writing, I feel as if I skipped a day of brushing my teeth.  Minus the bad breath.  My husband claims he can always tell if writing has gone well or not.  And he’s right — writing directly affects both my mood and my worldview.

If I don’t write or if writing doesn’t go well on a particular day, I feel unsettled and unbalanced.  And really, really grumpy.  Suddenly, the house feels too messy to stand.  Everyone seems to have developed really annoying habits.  I obsess over the drip in the kitchen sink.  My socks feel too tight.

But if writing goes well, then I walk around and smile at everyone.  Everything is sunny, and I want to hug the world.  In other words, I feel like me.

So I try to write every day, and I keep writing through the bad writing days so that I can get to the good writing days quicker.  My husband thanks me for this.

Writing has made me push myself harder each day.  I owe telling good stories and getting better each day as a writer to the fans and readers.  I’ve got to give YOU ALL everything I’ve got!

Writing is hard on the body.  I find myself constantly countering the Hunchback of Notre Dame syndrome in various ways.  I have dogs, which gets me off my butt and out in the world and that’s an amazing gift when you are stuck at a computer.   Writing has turned me into an avid snacker and coffee drinker.  There is a reward system I build into my writing routine that has definitely impacted my waistline, at times.  It’s hard to be sedentary for long periods of time and eat whatever you want!  Boo!  I wish I could get that law changed, for sure.